How To Model Resilience and Empowerment for Your Teen After Divorce or Loss

My dad died when I was 14. He was 48. My mom was 49. I was the youngest of 5 kids.

I watched my mom (also the youngest of 5) discover herself and thrive beyond being a wife and mother.
She grieved. Then, she made a plan. She went back to college, got a teaching degree, taught emotionally challenged middle schoolers, then went into the private practice of what was essentially life coaching, before there was such a thing.

She was one strong momma. She conducted herself with dignity, grace, and never let self-pity make itself comfortable in her head.

One time I asked her how she could keep laughing (she had a killer sense of humor). She said, ‘Honey, if I start crying, I’ll never stop.’
I took her response at face value at that time. Looking back now, with objectivity and my own life experiences, as well as some acquired wisdom, I think I understand what she meant.

Her philosophy was very progressive for her generation. She taught me that everything starts with your thinking. I now believe her statement about the crying meant that once we identify ourselves as a victim of something, it’s really a challenge to shift that belief. Additionally, she knew that others might identify you differently than you identify yourself, mainly because they don’t take the time or effort to find out how you are really doing, what has changed for you, whether you’ve grown, etc. It’s easier for them to keep you in their little container with your name on it.

Finally, she modeled that other people’s opinions, perceptions of you, or treatment of you is their thing and as long as you’re living up to your highest standards, you don’t have to try to make them like you, see you differently, or convince them of your worthiness.

Voila-you create your experiences by how you respond to circumstances.

My mother empowered me through how she handled her own sh$&@y life experiences. She never reacted impulsively. She knew the value of being able to think and act from a higher state of consciousness.

I have unending gratitude for a mother who was on her own journey of growth and change and modeled how to practically live that life as a single, middle aged woman throughout the rest of her life.

She lived to 92 and we could still crack up over some quirky bit of nuanced humor. She truly was my best friend and my best teacher.
She still had issues, but the majority of her influence was really solid stuff that has stood the test of time.

It’s a long game, live accordingly.