Tenacious Transformations

Warning: this isn’t a blog post about ‘lidder-ully’ transforming your old chair or other decor. It’s a metaphor for renewal, reappraisal and a fresh new start. But this process has opened the way for doing what I do best–literal, physical, tangible, furniture transformations. This post is about purging your old, outdated ways of thinking and unhealthy ways of relating to people. It’s about when you know it’s time to confront some hard personal truth you’ve been ignoring or running away from, and facing it head on, pulling it apart and seeing it for the thing it is–a big, ugly, heavy, piece of unwieldy thinking that serves you no more.

Added to your daily disgust of looking at it and trying to decorate around it, it soon becomes apparent that it’s time for a much needed transformation. Next, it can be paralyzing and frightening to think about how much work it will be to strip all of the old familiar materials off, get rid of that stinky old tattered padding, and actually learn how to form this piece anew so that it fits your life better than ever.

What would be better? How do you want it to look? Feel? You can go around and around worrying about how you’ll ever get the job done. That’s just anxiety about the next steps to take. You know that keeping the old stuff that doesn’t work for you, is unacceptable, yet the unknown in front of you scares the bejabbers out of you.

‘How you say, Catch 22?’  But when it becomes just too uncomfortable to stay put, grab a hold of something strong and decide that YOU MUST MOVE FORWARD AND DISCOVER NEW STUFF THAT WILL WORK MUCH BETTER FOR YOU AT THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE. This reminds me of the little saying every CBT therapist has posted in their office,

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”   Anais Nin

(I have no problems with that quote. In fact, I think it says it all. What bugs me is that often therapists use the same wise quotes to decorate their offices. That’s another thing I heed to confront–therapists’ office decor snobbery.) Anyway…

To make a long winded story a tad bit shorter, I’ve recently completed a gut wrenching inventory of my own big old ugly furniture that simply had to go. What will things look like without it? I don’t know. What should I replace it with? I don’t know yet. How will I know how to do it?  Search inside for answers, do some research, read books, talk to people and trust your gut. Once I get that piece all stripped down, should I go buy inexpensive materials and quickly try to make it useable again so that there’s no empty space? Absolutely NOT. I’m taking my time, learning, practicing, thinking things through, only accepting high quality work and materials. I’m doing the hard work to learn how to do things as right as I can. It’s a process and it takes time. And it is well worth the effort.

My new ‘furniture’ is going to be carefully, calmly, lovingly created to fit my life at this time. I’m in no hurry. I’ve been acquiring all kinds of new skills and knowledge to make things better. (Obviously, I’m referring to people, attitudes, beliefs, and activities.) Rather than thoughtlessly accepting someone else’s old, outdated, cumbersome behemoth of a chair or sofa only because it was free, and they want to unload it on me, I now can say, ‘No thank you, that won’t work for me.’ I can now choose what I accept based upon its strength, durability, uniqueness, flexibility and whether I love the way it looks and how it fits into my home.

This recent deep dive and assessment of what had to go was painful, to say the least. The process of purging is ongoing, but now my eye is keen as to what doesn’t function for me any longer. Not knowing exactly what the transformation will look like is scary, but not so painful that I’d ever want to go back to the familiar. Getting rid of actual furniture and junk is a lot easier than changing your long held beliefs and thinking patterns. Personal growth and transformation is one of the hardest things to take on in life. Most of us give up when the discomfort gets to be too much. There are a million different reasons why people commit to examining their lives. Whether we do it with the help of a professional, or we embark on our own curious journey, there’s nothing to lose and everything to be gained by taking stock of who we are, how we’re being in this world, and how we connect with others. It’s no longer enough to simply survive, I’m ready and long overdue to thrive.

Cheers to fresh starts.